That racist debate

As I wake up this morning to Adam Goodes reports trending on my Facebook and Fifth Harmony’s “Sledgehammer” blaring in my head, I reflect on my own personal experience growing up in Australia.

Growing up in a country when you’re the minority, you’re most likely going to be faced with instances that are discriminatory and racist… At least that’s what I imagine for anyone that has been in my shoes. Whether you’re white growing up in a predominantly Asian country or you’re Asian growing up in a white country etc, I believe, us as a minority would have been subjected to the same experiences that are not so pleasant.

I love Australia… when positive things happen and I am proud of the work good people do, but then there’s the side I hate and fear most days of my life. So these Adam Goodes stories sparks the “is Australia racist?” debate and whilst some would like to think not, I believe this country still is.

I’ll tell you my memories growing up in Australia, some that have never been revealed because they paint this country in the baddest of lights. I’ve been called many derogatory racial Asian names you can think of from “gook” to “ching chong” to “slope”. When I was in primary school I never understood why people would call me these names. I haven’t done anything but be in their presence, and yet I was abused. I used to walk home from school and I was sometimes chased, having stones thrown at me, being called names and had to run home just to be safe. I used to take other routes walking home just so I didn’t get abused every day because I feared what would happen next. Why should any child be subjected to this and feel ashamed of their ethnicity?

As I grew up into high school, the racial taunts didn’t stop. I accepted it and never answered back…. Mostly because I was scared to. Not only was I going through puberty and trying to understand myself as a person but I still had to deal with constant abuse because people thought it was funny. I had no confidence and no self esteem because I lived in a community where it was acceptable to racially abuse people.

I really don’t mind people arguing about my experience. It’s my experience and you can’t judge on my feelings. My parents came here for a better opportunity. And granted, this country has given me that but still doesn’t escape the fact that I live in fear every day that I will be racially abused. I’m now an adult and still get abused… It may not happen as often as when I was growing up (as society has become more accepting), but it still happens. I moved from Perth to Melbourne and got told to get out of the country by a white man (because I am Asian). Excuse me? What? I’m an Australian citizen, I have a right to live here. Who are you to tell me to get out of the country? Just because you’re white and think it’s your god given right to belong here, do I need to remind you that your people stole the land from the original inhabitants? And on the other side, I have been had racial slurs from non-whites too.  Australia, is after all, multi-cultural, mutli-raced and multi-coloured.

I’m glad these Adam Goodes articles shoved in our faces brings up the age old racist debate in Australia. Yes, the debate started about whether booing him was either racist or that people are booing him for his inappropriate football tactics but then again, it brings attention the uncomfortable conversation about whether Australia is racist. People don’t speak of it in general every day conversation but it brings to light a serious issue of racial vilification.

I hope to one day live in this country without the fear of being racially abused. I’d love to live safe and free because that’s my right as a human being… and as an Australian citizen.

I’m not excusing anything I say. I can say Australia is racist because I live it.

 

My little tests

What better way to let go of thoughts…

Life is challenging. It throws you tests every other day and you’re there wondering how you are meant to deal with it?

What have I encountered in the last month. After a visit to my home town Perth, I encountered some family drama (as you do), my dog dying and baring my inner feelings to someone who couldn’t return them. Let’s just say biggest and shittiest timing I have encountered. Upon returning to Melbourne I’ve had fights with friends – shit that shouldn’t even happen and I don’t want to deal with and yet I’m always entangled… maybe because I care too much. I nearly had a break down at work – just one day everything was just too overwhelming but going through what happened prior to this, it just seemed the sequences of events was too much. Also, making stupid mistakes at work doesn’t help. On top of this, I have had bowel issues that really needed attention and I went for a STD test to ensure I was clean, after having unprotected sex (like an idiot). Thank goodness I have people to share my testing issues with.

One by one all these issues have been ticked off my lists of things that I’ve overcome. All I can say is, I don’t like sitting here in pain after having surgery which involved some anal probing. The next thing on my list is to get cracking on my animal studies and get back into a routine of studying (I’m finding it difficult) and finding a house to buy. My fuck, housing in Melbourne is excruciatingly painful. Painful in the fact that anywhere lovely is over 1 million. Maybe I need to work harder in gaining my footballer husband.

Is this post relevant to anything? Maybe… I just wanted to say that everyone has their own struggles and we shouldn’t judge anyone before knowing what they might be going through. We are all fighting our own little battles no matter how significant or insignificant to some. I’m not saying my problems trumps over anyone elses issues. I know that people suffer worse than me. I am thankful my problems are easily solvable and I can deal with them provided I surround myself with positive people. It’s amazing how my perspective changes with just some inspirational quotes you find on Facebook and how getting rid of toxic people and toxic issues just make your life better. It’s so simple but I guess I need that random post to swim into my news feed for me to be reminded. Let me share with you some of my favs and hope that you too can make a difference for the better 🙂

10402656_10152640200659523_1410244197554102699_n

10348390_10152656988229523_1500128184750976749_n 10388143_10152649598994523_9146843098077371991_n 10441336_10152632488889523_1724587116344401078_n

 

Feelings…

What to do with these feelings? They constantly consume me. I can’t think of anything else. How does one control them self? I feel sick to my stomach and yet excited at the same time.

I don’t know what the future will bring. I laid my cards out and I had some luck. Will my luck end or is it just beginning?

I bared my inner thoughts. I bared my inner feelings. I laid everything bare. It was raw and true. I have nothing to hide. I like the way I feel. It doesn’t make sense from the outside looking in. I know what I have experienced is real.

Will this be short lived? I’d like to think I arise from the mess I created. I was selfish in my own addiction. I wanted it. Sadly, I got what I wanted. All I’ve done is raise more questions into the unknown. It’s a waiting game – a game I’m not sure how long I will last.

Will I go all the way? Do I deserve to get what I want? How am I to know? It pains me to sit here alone with no answers. I am not forcing anything to happen. I want it to evolve naturally. I am willing to love but do I want it to escape my heart? Am I ready? I think I am.

Feelings