The Collector failed me

Watched the Collector for the first time on Monday night. Let’s just say it had the potential to be a really good movie but really bombed.

So I researched about this movie after watching it… well actually during the movie. This was rumoured to be a prequel to the Saw movies with the events taking place giving Jigsaw the ideas that followed in the Saw films. It didn’t go through as part of the Saw franchise, though had very similar ideas.

Stop reading now because it contains SPOILERS!!

So I started writing this 2 days ago but lost my train of thought trying to continue it. I scrapped everything and am now doing the shortened version. You’ll laugh because but shortened version ends up being oh so long!

Opening scene – couple come home, wife screams upstairs, husband finds her looking at a life sized box, husband opens, black gloved hand grabs him from behind.

Opening credits, then we move onto a family’s home being renovated. Ex-con scopes house whilst doing repairs. Ex-con tells exterminator there is wasp nest. Ex-con gets paid. Family’s eldest daughter flirts with ex-con. Family go on Holiday.

Ex-con returns at night. Dog appears on a chained rope. Woof Woof. Ex-con gets startled. Ex-con breaks in.

Ex-con goes to bathroom. Starts to unlock safe. Hears screams in air vent. Ex-con is not alone. Da Da Dum.

Ex-con investigates noises. Finds husband and wife in basement. They say eldest daughter is out and youngest daughter is hiding in the house. Finds all traps around the house. Get’s caught in some traps. Killer does not detect him.

Ex-con finds cat stuck in acid. Cat makes hiss noise. Killer investigates. Ex-con flings cat into window trap. Cat cut in half. Meow dead. Lame cum blood spurt all over ex-con’s face. Ex-con hides in bed pillows. Killer finally arrives and suspects no foul play.

Ex-con finds life-size box. Inside is man from opening scene. Old man cries the killer “collects people”. Ex-con tells him to shut up.

From here it goes on and on. Killer kills the couple (Oh what a big surprise!) Eldest daughter comes home with boyfriend. They don’t see the traps. Get to see boobies. Girl tries calling 911 but drops phone. They die obviously. And, they die in the traps. BUT, you got to see boobies.

In the end, the ex-con ends up leaving but then oh no… the little girl is at the window. Shit man… What does he do? He saves her! If the movie wasn’t painstakingly uninteresting, they just had to drag it out further.

Ex-con goes back in. Gets caught in some lame traps. Ex-con and little girl try to eletrocute killer with water, TV and fish tank. They FAIL. They failed because killer throws old man from box onto water

Everyone gets caught by the killer. They get tied up.

Police come out to investigate 911 call. Killer outside drops weapon when told to. Police call for back up. Killer sets dog loose on policeman. Policeman dies. LAME

Ex-con escapes with little girl. They run to road. All the cops are driving closer to house. Ex-con gets hit by passing police vehicle. At this point you laugh.

Girl gets taken away in cop car. Ex-con in ambulance. Ambulance drives off.

Ambulance gets hit.

Killer came back for ex-con. Traps him in life size box we saw at start.

THE END

~~~~~~~~~~

I forgot to mention the ex-con did end up stealing the jewel, but can’t remember at what point. It was after he investigated the basement some time. Oh, and also the couple die before the eldest daughter comes home too – also can’t remember when.

OK, if you’re a Saw fan like me you notice all the similarities. What this film lacked was film quality and story building. Acting was good in most part.

I get that the killer collects people but all the traps were designed to kill. Also, for the majority of the movie, the couple were in the basement, so, he laid all the traps out for the little girl? It seemed like overkill to me for one person because he would have already stalked the family prior to know the eldest daughter was going out.

So let’s go over the traps:

  • Boarded up windows
  • Windows that slammed shut with blades
  • Chandelier trap with knives
  • Bear traps
  • Acid on bedroom floor
  • Fish hooks hanging from ceiling of laundry room
  • Both front and back door added with an additional 4 locks
  • Spikes on staircase – but not both staircases, just the one
  • Booby trapped pair of scissors that led to wire that encased your feet flinging you into bed of nails stuck to the projector screen
  • Hidden razor sharp wires
  • Nail spike on telephone
  • Chained outside dog

11 or so traps? Who was he expecting to be in the house?

He locked the doors with 4 extra keyed locks and only unlocked them when the eldest daughter decided to come home. Even the killer was surprised when she got home. Obviously, the locks were there to keep people out, though he also wanted the people inside to not have the ability to escape. The parents he left tied up downstairs in the basement and didn’t even let them run around to get caught in his funny traps. The father was tortured to the point he couldn’t move, and the mum blindfolded and handcuffed. And, the killer didn’t even make a solid effort to look for the little girl.

So why were there so many traps? I don’t understand why so many traps were needed!! WHY?!?!  It just seemed all so pointless. He could have just locked the doors, killed the parents in the basement – which he did anyway and it could have been a hunt for the little girl. Now that, would have made for a more thrilling movie.

At least with Saw, there was a twist at the end which I’m pretty sure no one saw coming. With this movie, there was no twist. The killer caught the ex-con and locked him in the box. How uninteresting. I am glad it was not a prequel to Saw. I mean, it’s good that they did not milk that franchise further.

Also, who is the killer? It’s the exterminator from the start. But, you already knew that didn’t you? It was the only obvious answer.

Oh and guess what? There is a sequel. They better give me some story line and character building or else this will go into the lame movie pile. What’s the sequel called? you’ll never guess…. It’s “The Collection”

Cat Panda

So instead of Sad Panda, I bring to you Cat Panda! Or Panda Cat… whatever works.

I feel sorry for any animal that gets dressed up by their owners but it still makes me laugh.

I especially like how happy they look!

Poor things!

Lush LiLi

What happened to manners?

Are all Asians rude?

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Do you ever notice that when a FOB Asian talks their volume increases? You think to yourself why are you yelling at me? It’s not that they purposely yell, I think to get their point across and to ensure that you are listening, they slowly increase the volume more and more to a aggressive tone that gives you the impression that they are coming off rude. Next time you go to Chinese restaurant, just listen to the hostess and you’ll giggle to yourself to how true it is. She’ll be yelling at her workers or you when you go to pay. You will also find that they think they are right also – no matter how wrong they are, they will yell at you until you agree. In their mind they are talking normally. If you talk to a Westernized Asian, I can assure you this doesn’t happen.

Do you ever notice that when a FOB Asian rushes past you, knocking into you, that they don’t say sorry? Basic manners would make you assume that this is common decency. Ha! This does not happen! Don’t get your hopes up because Basic manners does not exist. My Aussie friend tells me that in Asia because it’s so tightly populated, everyone is in a rush so they have to knock people out of the way in order to get through the crowds. I don’t know how true this is but in Australia, I will be standing in a shop, looking at a dress, then the bitch walks into me not saying sorry. First off – there are no crowds and there is enough space to move around. Secondly, I will gladly move if you say excuse me because I ain’t got no eyes on the back of my head to know that you are behind me. I’m like “WTF man!” most of the time. When I get real mad I will say – don’t you know how to say sorry? Insert blank reaction here, still nothing, then they walk off. Rude bitch, learn to get some manners! It pisses me off as much as you! And, I’m Asian!

Rage face:

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So why do Asians stare you ask? It’s because they are judging you. Yes, it’s true – they think they are better than you. My mama always taught me that staring is rude. My own problem is that I will be daydreaming or staring aimlessly into the distance so you take it as I’m staring at you. It’s not that I’m staring at you, it’s because I’m lost in my own little world. When FOBs do it, it’s because they don’t understand what you are doing or just being a plain bitch and judging the way you look. If they start laughing after staring at you, and then proceed to talk amongst themselves in their own language, that’s a signal that something is up. Personally, I think it’s a just plain mean because they do it in front of you because they ain’t got no balls to say it to your face. My advice, just ignore them because if you got confidence, some lil Asian ain’t gonna bring you down.

Maybe it is a cultural thing. Maybe people should learn other countries customs and socially acceptable methods. Yes…. I went there! Assimilation FTW! I can admit to when I’m wrong and can learn new ideals when I am in another country. This comes from my mother teaching me well and ensuring that I don’t offend people because that’s just plain rude. Plus I can’t drag my family name through the mud. My god! Asians and their family name! That’s another topic of discussion for another time!

This video makes me laugh. It’ll tie you over until the next post….

LiLi