My little tests

What better way to let go of thoughts…

Life is challenging. It throws you tests every other day and you’re there wondering how you are meant to deal with it?

What have I encountered in the last month. After a visit to my home town Perth, I encountered some family drama (as you do), my dog dying and baring my inner feelings to someone who couldn’t return them. Let’s just say biggest and shittiest timing I have encountered. Upon returning to Melbourne I’ve had fights with friends – shit that shouldn’t even happen and I don’t want to deal with and yet I’m always entangled… maybe because I care too much. I nearly had a break down at work – just one day everything was just too overwhelming but going through what happened prior to this, it just seemed the sequences of events was too much. Also, making stupid mistakes at work doesn’t help. On top of this, I have had bowel issues that really needed attention and I went for a STD test to ensure I was clean, after having unprotected sex (like an idiot). Thank goodness I have people to share my testing issues with.

One by one all these issues have been ticked off my lists of things that I’ve overcome. All I can say is, I don’t like sitting here in pain after having surgery which involved some anal probing. The next thing on my list is to get cracking on my animal studies and get back into a routine of studying (I’m finding it difficult) and finding a house to buy. My fuck, housing in Melbourne is excruciatingly painful. Painful in the fact that anywhere lovely is over 1 million. Maybe I need to work harder in gaining my footballer husband.

Is this post relevant to anything? Maybe… I just wanted to say that everyone has their own struggles and we shouldn’t judge anyone before knowing what they might be going through. We are all fighting our own little battles no matter how significant or insignificant to some. I’m not saying my problems trumps over anyone elses issues. I know that people suffer worse than me. I am thankful my problems are easily solvable and I can deal with them provided I surround myself with positive people. It’s amazing how my perspective changes with just some inspirational quotes you find on Facebook and how getting rid of toxic people and toxic issues just make your life better. It’s so simple but I guess I need that random post to swim into my news feed for me to be reminded. Let me share with you some of my favs and hope that you too can make a difference for the better πŸ™‚

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The update

I had a friend ask to update my blog, so here it goes…..

Because I am lazy and haven’t read over my past few posts, I am not sure if I mentioned I went to see a psychologist. It actually was the best thing I could have done for myself. Originally, I went to talk about my sleep deprivation. I wasn’t sure why I was getting only 3-4 hours of sleep per night. One day, I started messing up at work and my awesome team mate asked me if I was ok – I guess the lack of sleep caught up and I really wasn’t ok. He had my back and took over my duties, which, to this day I will always remember that kind gesture. It really was a wake up call to get help.

I went to see the psychologist and he opened my eyes to the fact that I had gone through some major life changes ie/moving to a new city and going through a break up, so why would I be sleeping correctly? We talked about my situation, we talked about new adventures and set up some 6 month – 1 year goals. He opened my eyes to some new methods of thinking and gave me some of the best advice I had ever received. My immediate goals were to set up a network of friends and then start new hobbies. I have been socialising every week and I never knew how easy it was. I have met some great people through meetup.com and recommend it to everyone who wants to make new friends without any obligation.

I am really happy with where I am right now. Happiest I have ever been. The freedom to do what I want, when I want, is something I have never had the chance to experience, so to be given this opportunity is a gift in itself. I keep in contact with my old friends and embrace the new. The best thing about Melbourne is that you’ll never know who you are going to meet and just take in all that it has to offer. People seem to like me over here – I guess the freedom has opened me up and I have a likeable personality that intrigues people. I am in no way tooting my own horn but I am more myself and people get along with what they see. It’s all very positive.

People in Perth seem to be settling down. I think being 29, that time is coming but in Melbourne, I don’t have to worry about people getting married and having children as a constant reminder of things that I’ve lost. I am surrounded by a younger crowd and get to live in the moment and enjoy all the new influences around me.

I am stress free. I have no obligations. I am establishing myself. I love my life.

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Life throws you curveballs

I have neglected my blogs on all fronts. Well, let me tell you that life has changed for me in a massive way. My boyfriend of 10 years recently broke up with me – to cut it short as much as possible, we were both in 2 different stages of our lives and parted ways. This was a huge disruption to where I thought I would go, and be. What I wanted was to focus on myself, and discover, or even rediscover if there was anything I could do to gain ultimate happiness in my life.

Now, all I am left with is a blank feeling. I do not feel some of your regular emotions which is the oddest feeling to have. I can’t say that’s it’s a feeling of emptiness because I feel somewhat full – even if it is half full, but I can’t say I react to anything at the moment with any full enthusiasm. I don’t feel sadness or happiness, but I can feel annoyance. Annoyance at other people is something I can do – maybe it is my only coping mechanism until something sparks in me to feel anything even remotely worthwhile.

So, I am going to Melbourne – possibly to live forever. Is this a good decision? I guess, I don’t really care. What I need is to experience something I have never experienced before and say that I have done it and it could be the best thing that might ever happen to me. As I head into my 29th year of being on this earth, I am disappointed in where my life is at right now – I wished for children 27-28 – oh how that ship has sailed.

The time is to focus on myself, gain some life experiences and be in a state of complete serenity. That is what I want to achieve, whether I will be on my own or find someone new, this is the state I want to achieve for myself. All I can do, is grow as a person, set some new goals and hope that one day I succeed in what I want – maybe even need.

So, my posts will become more of my experiences in Melbourne and I hope to encourage people that even though you might lose things in life, there is always a chance to rebuild.

LiLi