Breaking off friendships

I had to cut off a friendship today. Trust me, it’s not always an easy decision but when that person doesn’t fit into your puzzle, then why try make that piece fit? I like to give people chances. Everyone deserves second chances, sometimes even third and fourth chances. I think it’s in our nature to forgive. I was faced with a difficult situation that was forgivable. I genuinely wanted my friend to seek professional help and recognise their wrong doings in this situation. I was willing to put aside anger and take them to get the help they needed. They sought help once… just once, and thought they were fine after that. Appearances would suggest everything was fine – obviously, this was not the case.

The reason I decided to part ways was because friendship takes two. To me friendship should flow naturally and yes, we go through our ups and downs, but it is also how we can overcome situations together that count. Understanding each other is imperative. When this fails, then the friendship follows suit. I tried to be there – that didn’t help. I tried to explain my feelings of the situation and why I felt the way I did – there wasn’t a true acknowledgement nor understanding. I tried to understand their questionable decisions out of concern – apparently it wasn’t my place to judge. We had lost our friendship and now we don’t really know each other.

What I learned today is that, not everyone is going to bring positivity in your life and maybe they aren’t meant to be part of YOUR bigger picture. You shouldn’t feel bad for the decisions YOU make that will make YOUR life better. Sometimes releasing that part of your life lifts a weight off your shoulders. I definitely feel better. Even though I wanted to forgive this friend, it became clear that this friendship just didn’t fit me. Maybe one day we may rekindle the spark we had and share the good memories, but either way, I’m happy if the friendship is there or not.

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My little tests

What better way to let go of thoughts…

Life is challenging. It throws you tests every other day and you’re there wondering how you are meant to deal with it?

What have I encountered in the last month. After a visit to my home town Perth, I encountered some family drama (as you do), my dog dying and baring my inner feelings to someone who couldn’t return them. Let’s just say biggest and shittiest timing I have encountered. Upon returning to Melbourne I’ve had fights with friends – shit that shouldn’t even happen and I don’t want to deal with and yet I’m always entangled… maybe because I care too much. I nearly had a break down at work – just one day everything was just too overwhelming but going through what happened prior to this, it just seemed the sequences of events was too much. Also, making stupid mistakes at work doesn’t help. On top of this, I have had bowel issues that really needed attention and I went for a STD test to ensure I was clean, after having unprotected sex (like an idiot). Thank goodness I have people to share my testing issues with.

One by one all these issues have been ticked off my lists of things that I’ve overcome. All I can say is, I don’t like sitting here in pain after having surgery which involved some anal probing. The next thing on my list is to get cracking on my animal studies and get back into a routine of studying (I’m finding it difficult) and finding a house to buy. My fuck, housing in Melbourne is excruciatingly painful. Painful in the fact that anywhere lovely is over 1 million. Maybe I need to work harder in gaining my footballer husband.

Is this post relevant to anything? Maybe… I just wanted to say that everyone has their own struggles and we shouldn’t judge anyone before knowing what they might be going through. We are all fighting our own little battles no matter how significant or insignificant to some. I’m not saying my problems trumps over anyone elses issues. I know that people suffer worse than me. I am thankful my problems are easily solvable and I can deal with them provided I surround myself with positive people. It’s amazing how my perspective changes with just some inspirational quotes you find on Facebook and how getting rid of toxic people and toxic issues just make your life better. It’s so simple but I guess I need that random post to swim into my news feed for me to be reminded. Let me share with you some of my favs and hope that you too can make a difference for the better πŸ™‚

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Feelings…

What to do with these feelings? They constantly consume me. I can’t think of anything else. How does one control them self? I feel sick to my stomach and yet excited at the same time.

I don’t know what the future will bring. I laid my cards out and I had some luck. Will my luck end or is it just beginning?

I bared my inner thoughts. I bared my inner feelings. I laid everything bare. It was raw and true. I have nothing to hide. I like the way I feel. It doesn’t make sense from the outside looking in. I know what I have experienced is real.

Will this be short lived? I’d like to think I arise from the mess I created. I was selfish in my own addiction. I wanted it. Sadly, I got what I wanted. All I’ve done is raise more questions into the unknown. It’s a waiting game – a game I’m not sure how long I will last.

Will I go all the way? Do I deserve to get what I want? How am I to know? It pains me to sit here alone with no answers. I am not forcing anything to happen. I want it to evolve naturally. I am willing to love but do I want it to escape my heart? Am I ready? I think I am.

Feelings