The Collector failed me

Watched the Collector for the first time on Monday night. Let’s just say it had the potential to be a really good movie but really bombed.

So I researched about this movie after watching it… well actually during the movie. This was rumoured to be a prequel to the Saw movies with the events taking place giving Jigsaw the ideas that followed in the Saw films. It didn’t go through as part of the Saw franchise, though had very similar ideas.

Stop reading now because it contains SPOILERS!!

So I started writing this 2 days ago but lost my train of thought trying to continue it. I scrapped everything and am now doing the shortened version. You’ll laugh because but shortened version ends up being oh so long!

Opening scene – couple come home, wife screams upstairs, husband finds her looking at a life sized box, husband opens, black gloved hand grabs him from behind.

Opening credits, then we move onto a family’s home being renovated. Ex-con scopes house whilst doing repairs. Ex-con tells exterminator there is wasp nest. Ex-con gets paid. Family’s eldest daughter flirts with ex-con. Family go on Holiday.

Ex-con returns at night. Dog appears on a chained rope. Woof Woof. Ex-con gets startled. Ex-con breaks in.

Ex-con goes to bathroom. Starts to unlock safe. Hears screams in air vent. Ex-con is not alone. Da Da Dum.

Ex-con investigates noises. Finds husband and wife in basement. They say eldest daughter is out and youngest daughter is hiding in the house. Finds all traps around the house. Get’s caught in some traps. Killer does not detect him.

Ex-con finds cat stuck in acid. Cat makes hiss noise. Killer investigates. Ex-con flings cat into window trap. Cat cut in half. Meow dead. Lame cum blood spurt all over ex-con’s face. Ex-con hides in bed pillows. Killer finally arrives and suspects no foul play.

Ex-con finds life-size box. Inside is man from opening scene. Old man cries the killer “collects people”. Ex-con tells him to shut up.

From here it goes on and on. Killer kills the couple (Oh what a big surprise!) Eldest daughter comes home with boyfriend. They don’t see the traps. Get to see boobies. Girl tries calling 911 but drops phone. They die obviously. And, they die in the traps. BUT, you got to see boobies.

In the end, the ex-con ends up leaving but then oh no… the little girl is at the window. Shit man… What does he do? He saves her! If the movie wasn’t painstakingly uninteresting, they just had to drag it out further.

Ex-con goes back in. Gets caught in some lame traps. Ex-con and little girl try to eletrocute killer with water, TV and fish tank. They FAIL. They failed because killer throws old man from box onto water

Everyone gets caught by the killer. They get tied up.

Police come out to investigate 911 call. Killer outside drops weapon when told to. Police call for back up. Killer sets dog loose on policeman. Policeman dies. LAME

Ex-con escapes with little girl. They run to road. All the cops are driving closer to house. Ex-con gets hit by passing police vehicle. At this point you laugh.

Girl gets taken away in cop car. Ex-con in ambulance. Ambulance drives off.

Ambulance gets hit.

Killer came back for ex-con. Traps him in life size box we saw at start.

THE END

~~~~~~~~~~

I forgot to mention the ex-con did end up stealing the jewel, but can’t remember at what point. It was after he investigated the basement some time. Oh, and also the couple die before the eldest daughter comes home too – also can’t remember when.

OK, if you’re a Saw fan like me you notice all the similarities. What this film lacked was film quality and story building. Acting was good in most part.

I get that the killer collects people but all the traps were designed to kill. Also, for the majority of the movie, the couple were in the basement, so, he laid all the traps out for the little girl? It seemed like overkill to me for one person because he would have already stalked the family prior to know the eldest daughter was going out.

So let’s go over the traps:

  • Boarded up windows
  • Windows that slammed shut with blades
  • Chandelier trap with knives
  • Bear traps
  • Acid on bedroom floor
  • Fish hooks hanging from ceiling of laundry room
  • Both front and back door added with an additional 4 locks
  • Spikes on staircase – but not both staircases, just the one
  • Booby trapped pair of scissors that led to wire that encased your feet flinging you into bed of nails stuck to the projector screen
  • Hidden razor sharp wires
  • Nail spike on telephone
  • Chained outside dog

11 or so traps? Who was he expecting to be in the house?

He locked the doors with 4 extra keyed locks and only unlocked them when the eldest daughter decided to come home. Even the killer was surprised when she got home. Obviously, the locks were there to keep people out, though he also wanted the people inside to not have the ability to escape. The parents he left tied up downstairs in the basement and didn’t even let them run around to get caught in his funny traps. The father was tortured to the point he couldn’t move, and the mum blindfolded and handcuffed. And, the killer didn’t even make a solid effort to look for the little girl.

So why were there so many traps? I don’t understand why so many traps were needed!! WHY?!?!  It just seemed all so pointless. He could have just locked the doors, killed the parents in the basement – which he did anyway and it could have been a hunt for the little girl. Now that, would have made for a more thrilling movie.

At least with Saw, there was a twist at the end which I’m pretty sure no one saw coming. With this movie, there was no twist. The killer caught the ex-con and locked him in the box. How uninteresting. I am glad it was not a prequel to Saw. I mean, it’s good that they did not milk that franchise further.

Also, who is the killer? It’s the exterminator from the start. But, you already knew that didn’t you? It was the only obvious answer.

Oh and guess what? There is a sequel. They better give me some story line and character building or else this will go into the lame movie pile. What’s the sequel called? you’ll never guess…. It’s “The Collection”

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Whenever you visit an art gallery…

I mean no disrespect when I visit art galleries. Sometimes, I will stand there is awe of the beautiful creation. Other times, I will stand there thinking is that really art? Why would someone create this?

My wonderful place of employment organized an art exhibition tour. Now, this is really a different and refreshing change from the boozed up functions we normally have, and really gives people the opportunity, to be more open minded and lavish in timeless pieces of history.

This tour was special because we had a tour guide to really delve into the specifics of time periods, the change in how art evolved and what the artists were trying to capture in that point in time. We went on the Picasso to Warhol tour in Perth.

Some pics I captured:

Sorry for the mediocre pictures. They are taken from my iPhone. If you’re second guessing if that was a penis you saw. It definitely is.

So, are you like me in that when you look at this:

you think, “I can paint that?”

I swear, every painting I was saying to my boyfriend, “I reckon I can do that”. Bear in mind, I do not possess artistic flair in the slightest, and yet I believe, I can conquer painting a magnificently constructed piece of artwork. Now I’m wondering, maybe I should set myself a challenge and see if I could actually do this.

When I look at art, I think about what I like – good use of colour, the detail and what I think the painting represents. Ask me about brush strokes, the genre, what the artist is actually saying, the defining period and at that point you’ve lost me and I could probably make up some fluff to fool you that I am a passionate art lover.

What I often think about is how much do people pay for these pieces? and also how do artists live if you don’t have a steady income? Do artists only make the most money after they die?

What really struck me as odd is Andy Warhol’s soup collection. Why would someone pay $11 million for Andy’s small torn Campbell soup can painting. Yes, his work was pop art and a statement about consumerism but I can buy you a can of soup for $2, tear the label, paint you the picture of the can of soup with the torn piece of branding and would I get $11 million? This astounds me beyond words that 1) people would pay that money and 2) people are fascinated by a painting of a torn soup labelled soup can. Did anyone stop to think maybe one day all he wanted to do was silkscreen the soup can for testing purposes because that’s all it was… a soup can on a canvas with no meaning? $11 million….. Maybe we should all quit our day jobs.

LiLi

 

 

 

The day my heart sank…

As I listened to the radio one day, I really liked a particular song because the tune was good and the singer (at this stage I only thought it was one person singing) was pretty decent. It was a nice ballad I thought. Then I searched the song on YouTube like any normal person would.

My heart sank when I realized I become a One Direction fan. I am 28 years old. That is too old to like teenage boys who look like they have not hit puberty yet.

And because sharing is caring, here is the song I really like to listen to:

I frantically searched in Spotify to see if this song was a cover of someone else’s song but research shows that it is not a cover. I mean Wikipedia says so, so it must be true.

I can’t be saved!

FML

😦